Who here still goes to clubs?

[Mono-xID]

I have a very relaxed relationship with my missus, total personal freedom and trust, 22 years in (getting married next year). But I'm also a living agent of chaos and my entire life has basically been me acting as a leaf on a breeze. My whole life has pretty much been done with the attitude of "fuck it, let's see where this leads".
I do things spontaneously and randomly. So if life decides to take me on some random rampage I just don't have the prescience to call the missus and say "best order in babe, I'm on a boat to the Shetland isles for a party with the church of Satan"..or whatever". Things just happen and I am in the moment, occasionally my mind is grounded enough for me to inform the missus. She mostly doesn't mind (as I do all the cooking and she can burn water so mostly just wants to know I won't be cooking heh).
I have learned to be a little more aware over the years, and WhatsApp etc makes communication much easier. But I still occasionally fuck up and come home like a naughty school boy having given no information as to my activities.. It's good to get told off now and again though, I need grounding.
If it wasn't for the missus it's possible I would be in prison, there was a point in the rave years where pretty much all my friends and associates were in organised crime, and I could have gone down that road... Life was certainly getting dangerous and only the missus getting on my neck about it saved me really, so there's nowt wrong with a nag now and again.
Getting fucked up is never an issue though.
If I am going through a creative phase (like currently) then I tend to get pretty monstrously stoned a lot.
And coming home splimmed off my splod is never an issue, she normally just laughs at me.

A good relationship is about helping each other to be our better selves, not trying to limit or change each other. I never understand mates who say "I can't do blah, the missus would go mad".
Dude you are with the wrong lady.

That is what I was trying to say (with my poor English skills). I usually text her, not looking for permission, it's so she knows I'm alright. It's important to me that she knows where I am and that I'm doing fine. It's just fucking great when you found a lady where you don't have to justify yourself for every fart.

What helps also I don't drink booze anymore, so there aren't three days of near death experiences after a night out.

She knows I get my shit done, but she also knows I have to let off steam from time to time. I found my soul mate and I'm thankful every day that I met this woman.

[Lost to the Void]

Yeah I`m in the same boat.
She basically understands my insanity and my cyclic nature, and my need for mischief and misbehaviour.
Honestly I get away with way more than I deserve to, I`m a fucking strange creature.

[Mono-xID]

In the end it's all about compromise.

I don't spend all my 'free' time producing or on the bike because I want to spend time with my family.

I don't spend time in pubs or clubs anymore as there are more important things to do. Likewise getting fucked up.

Me and the wife spent a lot of time in clubs and all that goes with that, but the decision to have 3 kids overrides any of that. Do I wish I could go back to those days? Yes, just not very often, and if so, only for 5 minutes.

However the things I used to do, which my wife has ordered me to stop, were things that were pretty stupid in the first place. Cycling fast in traffic - That had to stop after the 3rd car accident. In fact, that was the only thing I had to stop doing. Something about her preferring me alive.

True. It's good when you have someone who's telling you to go to the Doc for various checks and stuff like that.

It may sounds like I'm out getting wasted 3 weekends a months but no. I spend most of my time with the family and I don't make music very often at the moment. I don't go out very often these days but it's really cool to know that WHEN you do you don't have to worry about a pissed missus when you come home.

Getting fucked isn't my primary goal anymore, there are indeed more important things in life.

Last Tuesday I had the coolest evening this year. I had tickets for missy and me. THE CHATS were playing a small venue (200 people) round the corner. We entered the club at 9pm,grabbed a beer, the band started at 9.15pm and teared the club apart, best punk show I saw in ages. After the gig we met a few friends we hadn't seen for a while and had another beer. We left at 10.30pm and were back on the couch with snacks and Netflix at 11. Fuckin great.

[jordanneke]

I have to say one of the things about having a big family, is the fact that you have to make an extra special effort in the relationship stakes. If not you turn into a well oiled, super efficient duo that ends up being a bit 'Spinal Tap' once the kids have grown up.

That's probably the main reason that we don't hit the clubs when we both have a night off. Rather it's spent in a pub/ restaurant enjoying each other's company over some drinks. Not sweating and wild-eyed, talking shite and not remembering anything other than that anxious feeling of 'what did I really say?'.

Same reason that me and 'The lads' don't ramp like we used to.

[ross-alexander]

Yeah now and then although lots of times I just drive to places and check stuff out now going full tilt nights are few and far between got too much to do most weeks to spend a few days getting myself back to par!

Did one the other week and to be honest it was harsh the week after, the night was really decent though!

[Lost to the Void]

You can go out and not get so utterly fucked out of your mind you end up brain dead for rest of the week too.

That is an option..

[Mono-xID]

You can go out and not get so utterly fucked out of your mind you end up brain dead for rest of the week too.

That is an option..

Exactly.

[Barfunkel]

You can go out and not get so utterly fucked out of your mind you end up brain dead for rest of the week too.

I'm 42 and NOW you're telling me this?

[jordanneke]

You can go out and not get so utterly fucked out of your mind you end up brain dead for rest of the week too.

That is an option..

Does. Not. Compute. Runtime error.

[WOLF!]

I don't feel the need to go out every week like when I was young, but I still go out on a quite irregular basis.
It needs a bit more planning now, but I select the events and put them in the family agenda.
Kids often look a bit strange when daddy comes home from a night of dancing but I'm never wasted so it's not a problem. I always take care of my health so that I don't end up 'fucked up' for a whole week. I can perfectly go out without drugs .
One of the last times I was in a club I met a friend who is 50 and was there with his 24 years old son.
Maybe one day it's my turn to introduce the kids to some clubbing if they are interested.

Recently we had a reopening of a famous Belgian club (under a diffrent name because it's a all kind of events venue now); it will never be the same as it was, but you still meet the same people that that you'd expected to meet on that typical night out in the late 90's or 00's. We are all a bit older now, but those guys that loved the music are still there for it; the music is still connecting.
We recently introduced a friends doughter (20 years old) with no clubbing experience to this reopened club on a retro night and she actually found it fascinating to see all the people dancing and connecting via the music. She actually had a good time and I'm quite sure she will go back.

[Hades]

I'm 38.

That's not really old in Amsterdam is it really though. In any other city aside from a very large capital destination, being 38 in a club/ festival = fucking ancient

just don't ask him to be putting together Ikea furniture after a night out on E
(or did I remember that incorrectly, terry ?)

[Hades]

ok, Jordan, you cunt,
I'll bite...

a few weeks ago, a friend of mine (way younger than me, 26, I believe) was organizing a party at the other side of the country.
Took the train, together with another friend my age, and we basically partied till the night was over and the lights were switched on.
Ok, didn't do this sober, but I literally started dancing the moment I walked in, and apart from the breaks for having to take a leak or getting a beer,
or keeping my friend company who was having a smoke outside, I was on the dance floor.
I literally turned 41 that night, so felt great to be there at that moment.

Arrived back home around 10AM,
opened my presents the mrs and the kids got me,
had a few precious hours of sleep till like 2PM,
then had a chilled afternoon on the couch with some trappist beers and Netflix.

Got up again next morning at 2:30AM and went back to work.
(the new job I've been doing the last half year needs me to wake up really early)
Didn't really feel a lot of "hangover" moments, tbh.
Was having lunch the next day with a very old friend of mine and having Rochefort 10 at like 1PM.

[Hades]

also, for the record, I invited you to come along to that same night, Jordan

[Hades]

Last year I was going clubbing every other weekend, mainly during the day on a Sunday. I think that really changed the way I thought about clubbing. It made it so easy to stay, dance long and still make it to work on Monday without ruining my sleeping pattern (I'm younger than I probably sound ).

Since spending more of my free time producing, I'm going out less, but I can't imagine stopping altogether. I often see people in their 50s and they don't seem out of place!

I once hooked up briefly with terry falafel here when me and a friend were going to some label party at ADE.
The party started at like 2PM and supposedly ended at 10PM or so.
Fucking loved doing that, cause we ended up dancing the afternoon away and were in bed by midnight.
since I had a company party next evening, at a company I had just started working,
and still had the time to get back by train (my god, the young dudes fucked up on the train),
this was, practically speaking, a superb idea.
I really wished they did this more often.

[Hades]

Good. I still go out a lot as well. Mostly concerts, pubs etc. but I also still go to clubs. Thing is I don't drink booze anymore plus I live in a city where I can visit a club on a Sunday afternoon and just have some beers.

with booze I take it you mean hard liquor, not beer/alcohol in general?

if so, my father in law once taught me a very important lesson many many years ago
(probably the only lesson he ever taught me, but yeah, one shouldn't talk bad about the dying, yeah yeah...)
he proved to me how valuable the Reinheitsgebote were.
Drink tons of beer, still not have a hangover next day (as long as you stuck to beer only).
To this day, almost 90% of the beer I drink is German pils.

[Hades]

the problem is, it's often that the dj i'd want to go for is on at like 3am

as if you'd go see someone play at 3am straight! 3am clubbing only makes sense on drugs.

that's a scary thought, isn't it?

I remember when Cindy (mainst09) was headlining Trésor a few years ago.
Took the train to Berlin back and forth on the night of the 23rd of december.
Got home completely wasted on X-mas eve, only to crash and make sure I at least survived X-mas day with the family.

But yeah, even on that date, place was packed, and Cindy played from 4AM till 6AM.
You really wonder how one can survive a life that involves you to be at your peak time between like 3 and 6AM, or something like that.
In a previous life, I worked night shifts for 15 years. Believe me when I say this, most people are not designed to function the whole night,
and more specifically between like 1AM and say 6AM.

[Hades]

Believe me or not but I've never done this. Whenever "a couple of beers, I'm back soon" got out of hands, I always called the missus to tell her that the couple of beers will evolve into mayhem and if she's okay with that. I'm honest to the bone to her. And if there isn't something mega important stuff to sort out the next day she says "have fun babe".

Personal freedom, that's the basis of our relationship since 13 years now,otherwise we would have split already. She's the coolest, strongest, most loyal, most honest, most humble, most intelligent human being I've ever met.

I'm a lucky bastard.

yeah man, totally agree with that.
my mrs knows what I do. Been together with her for 20+ years now.
I don't ever lie to her, though I do admit I would rather "avoid telling her something" only to keep myself from unnecessary (though very kind) lecture talks.
I don't cheat on her, mind you, it's really only the "wouldn't you be better off if you didn't drink/do... for a while" kind of talks.

A good relationship is about helping each other to be our better selves, not trying to limit or change each other. I never understand mates who say "I can't do blah, the missus would go mad".
Dude you are with the wrong lady.

exactly this. You help each other to be your better selves.

I once read somewhere that a woman marries a man in the hope she can change him,
while a man marries a woman in the hope she'll never change,
and both of them learn soon enough they were very wrong...
Not sure if that is entirely true, but yeah, trying to change people (and I don't mean the small parts here or there),
it's just a lost case, really...

[Hades]

But coming home and having to sneak to bed during breakfast?! Ha ha ha ha.

How pleased was your wife? How long before she forgave you?

even if that shit sounds funny, I still think he made a good choice doing so.
My kids have seen me in various states, though they never realized it.
But if I were ever so far gone I would not like my kids raising questions, I would have done exactly the same thing.
You kind of wanna protect them from certain things, no? (isn't that like, one of your main parental tasks )
Some of the worst moments in my life were when I was crying my heart out and my kids were around to see it.
You really don't wanna have your kids be witness to that.

Anyway, this summer, me+mrs+my mom+my 2 girls walked a part of the camino,
and one sunny afternoon, I was sitting together with my oldest (she started high school this year),
and I really felt it was the perfect moment to do "the drug talk" with her.

Now, for most parents, that means "DO NOT, EVER, DO DRUGS, EVER" !!!!!
For people like me, and some or even most of us here, I really wonder what that's like...
So yeah, I wanted to tell her about all the things I learned about drugs along the way...
what to do, what not to do, just, you know, experience stuff,
and de-mythifying a LOT of shit you read and hear about drugs in the media.
I had just started to explain to her what weed really is and does to you,
then asked her "you think your dad ever smoked weed?"
her: "hell no, of course not !!"
me: "hell yes, did that a LOT when I was younger, only stopped when you girls were born!!"
So while she was kind of digesting that thought, and getting to grips with it,
I literally saw my mom going massively bad about 10m behind her on another table...
She had been sitting in the sun, drinking sangria with my mrs.
She kind of underestimated the Spanish sun in the middle of the summer.
So I had no choice to end my "drug talk", and get up to try to rescue my mom,
from the simple results of underestimating alcohol+ heavy sun!!!!

(ok, in all honesty, I had asked the bartender to make their last order of sangria a little more heavy than the previous ones,
but nonetheless, I took her back to the hotel safely, and she sure as fuck, is not someone who isn't used to booze,
my dad, yeah, but my mom, no fucking way My mrs survived the sangria just fine, and she drinks maybe 20% of what my mom does )

Still...
yeah...
maybe it's a good thing my "drug talk" got interrupted,
at least for the time being...

[Hades]

However the things I used to do, which my wife has ordered me to stop, were things that were pretty stupid in the first place. Cycling fast in traffic - That had to stop after the 3rd car accident. In fact, that was the only thing I had to stop doing. Something about her preferring me alive.

honey bunny,
I could have told you that shit after my first cycling accident
Still have the scar on my chin to remind me every day I care to look in the mirror...

[Hades]

I have to say one of the things about having a big family, is the fact that you have to make an extra special effort in the relationship stakes. If not you turn into a well oiled, super efficient duo that ends up being a bit 'Spinal Tap' once the kids have grown up.

That's probably the main reason that we don't hit the clubs when we both have a night off. Rather it's spent in a pub/ restaurant enjoying each other's company over some drinks. Not sweating and wild-eyed, talking shite and not remembering anything other than that anxious feeling of 'what did I really say?'.

totally true,
I believe it's extremely important to be more than just a "well oiled machine" that takes care of the kids.
If you don't invest enough time into your relationship, you're gonna wake up one day and find out you've become almost estranged from one another,
even though you've been living together for years.

On the other hand, I also believe it's important to try and find enough time for yourselves, both you and the mrs,
I know for a fact I can do for a shorter time without "me-time" (god, how I hate that word),
but I function way better as a partner and father when I take out enough time for myself,
and usually that means me spending time in the studio making music.
There's nothing wrong with realizing that and trying to make sure you get enough of those moments in,
not if it makes you a better dad in the end.